Interpersonal conflict can happen anytime. It may occur in our relationship with those whom we just knew or even with those whom we had been very close for a long time. Conflicts may arise due to several reasons. Indeed, there are infinite excuses that people use as their reasons for being involved in the conflict, starting from a very simple to utmost severe mistakes that other parties have done. In some cases, conflicts are unavoidable. However, there are also conflicts which can be prevented. We can prevent conflicts from occuring by analysing the main problem that cause the conflict and try to ask ourself whether it is worth to involve in the conflict.
It was around 6 - 7 years ago, when I was still in my first and second year of Junior High School. I had a classmate who is a boy. He is a diligent, quiet and always paying attention to what the teacher taught. When I was in my first year, I sat on the desk just beside his. I always jotted down important points in my book whenever the teacher mentioned something that is important because some of the points mentioned may turn up in our exams.
The most annoying part of him was that he kept on borrowing my notes and copied down every single things that I jotted down. He continuously keep an eye on me whenever I jotted down notes when he was not able to catch the points mentioned by the teacher. I felt really annoyed with his behavior. The worst part was that he was so reluctant to share information with me, especially when it was regarding the school stuffs.
I was enduring this uneasiness for two years. In my second year, I sat in front of him. However, that time was better since he couldn't interrupt me directly. Sometimes, I just ignored him and tried any ways to avoid communicating with him. He seemed to know my tendency to avoid him at that time. As time went by, he slowly reduced his intense borrowing and looked for another people. Since then, we rarely communicate and there seemed to be a barrier between me and him.
In my third year, I was sitting far apart from where he sat and I was indeed hoping for that. We didn't talk much to each other and I felt better for not being so close to him anymore as I felt he was annoying. I had talked to some of my friends about him and they also had the same problem with him. Only then, I realised that it was not surprising that he was not close to any of the students in my class.
After we finished our Junior High School and continued to the Senior High School, I was not in the same class with him anymore. This gave me such a great relief because I didn't expect the annoying parts to happen again. However, I still saw him around the school and we just uttered a "Hi!" to each other whenever we happened to pass by each other in school.
As for now, when I reminisced those time, I may laugh at myself why should I indulge in such an unimportant conflict. Perhaps, there was a feeling of dislike towards him in the first place or selfishness that led me to have a conflict with him. However, I felt that the strong dislike faded away as time passed by during my Senior High School time.
If you were in my position, what would you had done to resolve the conflict?
Hi Johan,
ReplyDeleteif I were you,I will probably do the same as you did- try my best to shun him. I guess there will always be people who expect others to lend them stuff while being selfish themselves. Even in university, we may still encounter such people at times. To me, sometimes conflicts are inevitable, especially when it's towards someone we really can't get along with. As people say, we get to choose our friends! (:
Hi,if I were you at that age, I would like to share my notes with him. I think if someone wants your help in study, it is kind of approval.(Actually, this happened to me when I was in Junior High school as well)However, if you think he impeded your progress of study, you had better let the teacher know your problem with him and change your seat as soon as possible. I think in our young age,our relationships with classmates make big influence in our personality development and future relationships. Like you said,he was not liked by other classmates and I guess he also realised. After changing your seat earlier, you could still provide a helping hand to him, mainly help him get along well with classmates.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it was my suggestion. I tried to help one of my classmates similar to him, but she did not behave differently and still liked borrowing while being selfish. However, when we met after many years, I think she became more open and got along with people better. =)
@ Xiu Xian: I agree with you that sometimes we need to be selective in getting along with friends. Sometimes the people may just want to take advantage on us while not being helpful when we need them. Thank you for your suggestions! :)
ReplyDelete@ Huang Huan: You are so kind. Yes, I shared my notes too but somehow I just felt that he was so annoying and it was as if he tried to win over me. That was why I try to avoid him. As a 13-year-old boy that time, I just couldn't hold my emotion and perhaps I was too selfish.
About your suggestion of changing seat, I think it might even worse because everybody in the class would know this "unimportant" problem and it might even worsen my relationship with him. One of my classmates requested to our form teacher to move away from her seating-mate and finally everyone in the class knew the conflict of both of them.
However, I am glad that actually our relationship was not that bad after we were not in the same class. We still communicate with each other although the communication was not so warm as compare to when I communicated with those that I got along well. Thank you for your suggestions! :)